Charles Koch: How to really turn the economy around

Charles Koch is one of the world’s richest people. His daddy made his money in Stalinist Russia helping the reds become one of the world’s dominant oil suppliers. Charles Koch is worth more than $40 billion dollars. And because he’s so rich and powerful, Chuck recently took the time to write, or have his staff write a letter to the editor at USA Today. Below are excerpts of the letter and beneath those experts are what you get if you run this thing through the B.S. decoder. The excerpts have quotation marks and the translation is in italics.

(read more….if that’s possible)

By Charles Koch

“Like most Americans, I am deeply concerned about our weak economic recovery and its effects on millions of families. Opportunity, especially for the young and disadvantaged, is declining. High underemployment has become our new norm.”

Man that’s some world class bullshit. Who wrote this for us? Shapiro? That kid’s a comer.

“Too many businesses focus on getting subsidies and mandates from government rather than creating value for customers. According to George Mason University’s Mercatus Center, such favors cost us more than $11,000 per person in lost GDP every year, a $3.6 trillion economic hit.”

My company is a welfare queen. We’ve taken $88 million in corporate welfare from the federal government. But when the right people are getting taxpayer funds it’s obviously not a subsidy or a tax cut- it’s simply the way I want it. And Chucky get what Chucky want.

“Compounding the problem are destructive regulations affecting whether and how business invests and employees work. Federal rules cost America an estimated $1.86 trillion per year, calculated the Competitive Enterprise Institute.”

Attention residents of West Virginia and Ohio: I know that was probably hard to read without shooting the screen because you poor bastards don’t have clean drinking water precisely because some of our front groups like the Competitive Enterprise Institute have been so successful. But your family’s health and the public’s safety just aren’t important. What’s important is me getting more money.

“Third, we need to guide many more people into developing skills and values that will enable them to reach their potential. Everyone knows education increases a person’s ability to create value. But the willingness to work, an essential for success, often has to be taught, too.”

Some of you people, and I think we all know who I mean, are just born lazy. I got all my money the old fashioned way- I inherited it from my rich Daddy. That’s what makes me qualified to tell the little people, you know… cops, nurses, postal workers etc etc, about how lazy they are and they’ll never get anywhere in life in they don’t learn how to work hard – like me.

“When I was growing up, my father had me spend my free time working at unpleasant jobs. Most Americans understand that taking a job and sticking with it, no matter how unpleasant or low-paying, is a vital step toward the American dream. We are in for more trouble if young people don’t find that all-important first job, which is critical to beginning their climb up the ladder.”

Christ that’s worse than John Boehner’s “My Dad made me sweep” sob-story. Sometimes I wonder if you people could possibly be this stupid. Did you read what I just wrote? I grew up with not a spoon but an entire silver mine in my mouth. There’s an excellent chance I have never worked a day in my life and would not be able to describe what work actually is. People like me don’t work because paychecks are for suckers. If you plebes had any brains you’d know that.

“Finally, we need greater incentives to work. Costly programs, such as paying able-bodied people not to work, are addictive disincentives.”

The 47 percent (Thanks for the math Mitt!) are addicted to the goodies they hand out on the liberal, socialist Obama Plantation. So if you’re a 25-year veteran of law enforcement and you retire and get a check from the city you’re basically a crackhead/junkie that needs to kick your habit. Don’t you know I make no money on your retirement? This is going to change – mark my words.

So God bless America and let’s hurry up and get rid of it because it’s not doing much for me and my brother’s bottom line.

– Charles Koch, chairman and CEO of Koch Industries, a donor to libertarian causes.